Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
