2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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