Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
