my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
