I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
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Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
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I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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