does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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