I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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