I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
