Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
