Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
