I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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