maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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