I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
