do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
