I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
