in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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