Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
