I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Still dying that you shit outside
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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