I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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