I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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