Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
