Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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