I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
