I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
