Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
