please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
