u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
