he thought i was a dude.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
