I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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