Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
