i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
