We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
