Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize