Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
