Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
