I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
