the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Randomize
