Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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