And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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