theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
