Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
