I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
