I just threw up on my dentist
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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