fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm too high and old for this...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
