I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
