how can u be prego again
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
cat food counts as protein by the way
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
