Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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