yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
