Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
