I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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