The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
