dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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