Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
