I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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