after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
