We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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