So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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