Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
