Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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