New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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