So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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