Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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