Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
