I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
