ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
