the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize