On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
