just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
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