Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
