hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
