When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I fill condoms, not promises.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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