i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize