Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
