i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
