well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
