I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
