your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She's the barista slut.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
