I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
