i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
