After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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