Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
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You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
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Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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