Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
