remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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