What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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