just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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