i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
