lets start a swedish sibling band together
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
