I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you would pick up someone in the library
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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