You can't motorboat a personality
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
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my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Found your dick twin last night
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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