mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We are two peas in an std pod
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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