i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize