saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
