I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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